Tag Archives: painful

The Human Family Community Open Threads #83: Head In The Clouds, Feet On The Ground

This is a project called “The Human Family Community Open Threads.” These open threads will be for anyone to comment on and express how they feel, if you need a friend, any ideas, to make new friends, thoughts, topics, quotes or simply if you feel alone or lonely or suicidal or want to speak to others; feel free to comment below and start a conversation. You are not alone.

The Human Family Open Thread #83

~DiosRaw 03/03/21

Poetry #119: This Is What It Did To Him

Hurrying into a taxi in the dead of night

The driver told me a man stood on a bridge

It happens very often he says

Standing on the bridge

Lockdown had brought him to crack

His spirit and soul yearned to go smack

My heart dropped, I felt sick

Trying to gently coach him down

The police had blocked off roads into town

Hours and hours

On the verge between life and death

This is what cold isolation had done to him

Alone day after day

Contemplating when to make his move

He completely had enough

No more, no more

He couldn’t bear another living breath

And if only for some human connection

He had to stand on a bridge

Hours later the taxi driver said

He’s gone now, he’s not dead

Hopefully he will get help

This world is upside down

I pray he smiles one day instead of a psychological frown.

~DiosRaw 26/02/21 10:42AM

Inspired by a true story a few days ago. In the local city people are jumping off bridges during lockdown.

Poetry #116: Maybe Then You’d Believe Me, Wouldn’t You?

Cutting, jabbing, stabbing

Crumbling bones

Soggy muscles

You look healthy, don’t you?

My health is dire, not wealthy

Maybe if you could see the bruises I feel

Shades of struken teal

Maybe if they were blue, purple and green

If the skin burned off

Then you’d believe me

If the tremors were more violent

If my screams were heard in the silent

If my muscles screamed louder

If you could hear the creaking off my joints

Or the persistent poisoning and pounding of my head

I wish honestly I was dead

I don’t know what is happening

I feel as if I’m dying

If I said any different I’d be lying

Suicide attempts

Jumping off dams

How much more until you understand?

There’s a fog swirling around in my brain

What if I crack and go insane?

If you could see the shooting pains as shooting sparks of light

Would you hold me tight?

In the dead numbness of the nightmarish night?

The whole body is a red glow

It’s invisible and only I know

Pretending to be okay

Questioning if I am fake positivity

The cells in my hippocampus are dying

Starving for dopamine and serotonin

If you touched my hand and swapped bodies

If only for a second

Could you feel how heavy of the weight it carries

If you could see the dreaded melancholy greying the hues of my canvas

And the shaking of my out stretched hands

Lying cold dead on a beach, with a bottle and packets rolling across the sand

If my misery made me waste away and disappear

If you knew how I felt the end is near

If the pain swallowed me whole

And you saw my weary decimating magnetic pulling black hole

If the nightmares and sweats of each night became reality

And I never woke up

Maybe then you’d believe me

Damn

Wouldn’t you?

~DiosRaw 24/02/21 19:00PM

Poetry #112: Vacant When I Needed You

Vacant when I needed you

My health is weak, you knew that too

The shell of a ghost we both become

Memories linger on my breath of our early days in mystery and depth

Dancing between those neon lazers

Cherry beer concealing our pain, an enticing poison dreaming away my traumatic memories

I know I played my role, I am no victim

Hurting so bad my heart seemed to crack

Numbed and self preservation

This night I smoked my last cigarette

Sitting on my parent’s doorstep

Observing the warm orange glow of the beams between the curtains of a house in my field of the countryside neighbour-hood view

I thought of you

When you have withdrawn yourself and your magic

When only the smell of your love lingers between my breasts

Imagination ran amok

Lost hopes and dreams

Of us cuddling our baby behind those curtain streams

Holding our baby in your defined muscle arms

Snap back from the third-eye charms

If you bucked your ideas up, I would have made you the father of my child

You know you have that sexual vibration that makes me go wild

How could I carry on?

Shaking and tremoring day and night

Worried I might say the wrong thing out of low-esteem chipped at fright

If only we could have spinned tight

Into a ball of existential love

My heart lives on bruised

A mind-fuck of confused.

~DiosRaw 22/02/21 22:30PM

Poetry #92: Writing Stifle

Squirming and wailing

Frial and defaming

Blaming and gaming

Drama is containing

All I want to do is write

Stifled by that fear and fright

Unknown things that make me fight

Who truly knows what goes on in your life?

Demons at the right

All I want to do is write

Drained

Each toke of this cigarette

Is making me sick

But what can I do when I got no help and I used this as a coping mechanism to stick

Me to this earth

When pain is all I felt

These tokes light up the dopamine

That was ripped from my brain

It seems no neurotransmitters emit in my brain

Turning me insane

The ego berating I am lame

I just want to leave this game

Behind four walls

Claustrophobic and numb

Every inch aches up until the edge of the thumb

All I want to do is write

Those shadowy figures in the night

All I want to do is write.

~DiosRaw 03/02/21 13:04PM

The Human Family Community Open Threads #49

I decided to start a new project called “The Human Family Community Open Thread.” These open threads will be for anyone to comment on and express how they feel, if you need a friend, any ideas, make new friends, thoughts, topics, quotes or simply if you feel alone or lonely or suicidal or want to speak to others; feel free to comment below and start a conversation. You are not alone.

The Human Family Open Thread #49

~DiosRaw 27/01/21

Poetry #82: Simplicity Is The Ultimate Form Of Sophistication

No accidents

In this universal sacrement

Coincidence?

In this specific incidence?

Synchronicity

Simplicity

They say, is the ultimate form of sophistication

From someone else’s narration

Shivering sensations

Soul memory

Trajectory

They say, the conscience

Is the soul’s past experiences

Warning the soul off a less favourable path

Swimming in the known quantum aquarium bath.

~DiosRaw 23/01/21 08:59AM

Poetry #76: Four Walls

Locked in these four walls

Does anyone percieve these silent screaming calls?

Days don’t seem to mean anything anymore

That’s lost in the muffled past of the old world folklore

Time has lost it’s meaning

Days lost in translation, intervening

Dreams echo in my psyche

The real world is shiveringly spiky

My flowers are wilting

Emotions tilting

Sinking into mundane

The world around seems insane

Media manipulation

Contortions of concentration

The masses brainwashed

Day after day brains sloshed

Here I am

Melting into the sofa

Sitting in the same place

In this physical case

The old world will never come back again

Not that we wanted it to remain the same

In a society that sets us up for failure

With leaders spiritually immature

The future remains uncertain

An aura of mystery lies behind the curtain.

-DiosRaw 17/01/21 10:59AM

The Human Family Community Open Thread #25: Blessed New Year

I decided to start a new project called “The Human Family Community Open Thread.” These open threads will be for anyone to comment on and express how they feel, if you need a friend, any ideas, make new friends, thoughts, topics, quotes or simply if you feel alone or lonely or suicidal or want to speak to others; feel free to comment below and start a conversation. You are not alone.

The Human Family Open Thread #24

-Amber @diosraw 01/01/21

Poetry #46: People Come & Go

Alone

In this maze

Stuck in a haze

People come and go

The pain strikes the heart

The damage has been done

Goodbye

Hello

Fellow passengers of life

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll be on the streets

With nothing to eat

And no one to call

And heading for a downfall

I’ve tried my best

I need some rest

But I am restless

And paranoia sweeps the mind

Deep inside

This world is getting weirder day by day.

-Amber @diosraw 30/12/20 14:59PM

Poetry #21: Depths Of Despair

It’s late at night

I feel like I have to hold on tight

To get through tonight

Crouching down by the wall

Smoking the last cigarette call

Trying not to get my mum’s shoes wet

In the dampness and drizzle of the night

Tears prick my eyes

I am all alone

I can’t bare this anymore

Another night wondering if I will sleep at all

In this bedroom where I fall

The same childhood bedroom I return to

I wish I had help

I wish someone could coach me back to life

All the therapists and councillors I try don’t get me at all

It’s hard to find someone who understands deep spiritual concepts

All around me is a cavern of deep lonliness

I am bored of it all so much

I feel sick, I’m so alone, it’s rife

Everything crumbles in front of my eyes

All I can do is look on

Into the blackness of the night

Misery fills this vessel

Burning acid body

What sort of life is this?

No one to call

No one I would bother

With this mess of who I am

No one could understand

Truly the depths of despair

And suicidal fair

Going through my head

All day everyday

The world is moving

Yet I feel stuck

In the same place I was two years ago

The pain won’t stop

The people I live with don’t understand

The person I trusted betrayed my love

Betrayals, a common theme in this lifetime

I wish I could take someone’s hand

And fall into their arms

And sob into their sleeve

And they won’t leave

Like many in this lifetime

I wake up in heavy sweats

The claminess starts the day off

In an uncomfortable way

Can someone please show me the way

Out of this pain.

-Amber @diosraw 22/12/20 23:50PM