Tag Archives: misery

The Human Family Community Open Threads #76: You Are Loved

This is a project called “The Human Family Community Open Threads.” These open threads will be for anyone to comment on and express how they feel, if you need a friend, any ideas, to make new friends, thoughts, topics, quotes or simply if you feel alone or lonely or suicidal or want to speak to others; feel free to comment below and start a conversation. You are not alone.

The Human Family Open Thread #76

~DiosRaw 25/02/21

Poetry #116: Maybe Then You’d Believe Me, Wouldn’t You?

Cutting, jabbing, stabbing

Crumbling bones

Soggy muscles

You look healthy, don’t you?

My health is dire, not wealthy

Maybe if you could see the bruises I feel

Shades of struken teal

Maybe if they were blue, purple and green

If the skin burned off

Then you’d believe me

If the tremors were more violent

If my screams were heard in the silent

If my muscles screamed louder

If you could hear the creaking off my joints

Or the persistent poisoning and pounding of my head

I wish honestly I was dead

I don’t know what is happening

I feel as if I’m dying

If I said any different I’d be lying

Suicide attempts

Jumping off dams

How much more until you understand?

There’s a fog swirling around in my brain

What if I crack and go insane?

If you could see the shooting pains as shooting sparks of light

Would you hold me tight?

In the dead numbness of the nightmarish night?

The whole body is a red glow

It’s invisible and only I know

Pretending to be okay

Questioning if I am fake positivity

The cells in my hippocampus are dying

Starving for dopamine and serotonin

If you touched my hand and swapped bodies

If only for a second

Could you feel how heavy of the weight it carries

If you could see the dreaded melancholy greying the hues of my canvas

And the shaking of my out stretched hands

Lying cold dead on a beach, with a bottle and packets rolling across the sand

If my misery made me waste away and disappear

If you knew how I felt the end is near

If the pain swallowed me whole

And you saw my weary decimating magnetic pulling black hole

If the nightmares and sweats of each night became reality

And I never woke up

Maybe then you’d believe me

Damn

Wouldn’t you?

~DiosRaw 24/02/21 19:00PM

Poetry #112: Vacant When I Needed You

Vacant when I needed you

My health is weak, you knew that too

The shell of a ghost we both become

Memories linger on my breath of our early days in mystery and depth

Dancing between those neon lazers

Cherry beer concealing our pain, an enticing poison dreaming away my traumatic memories

I know I played my role, I am no victim

Hurting so bad my heart seemed to crack

Numbed and self preservation

This night I smoked my last cigarette

Sitting on my parent’s doorstep

Observing the warm orange glow of the beams between the curtains of a house in my field of the countryside neighbour-hood view

I thought of you

When you have withdrawn yourself and your magic

When only the smell of your love lingers between my breasts

Imagination ran amok

Lost hopes and dreams

Of us cuddling our baby behind those curtain streams

Holding our baby in your defined muscle arms

Snap back from the third-eye charms

If you bucked your ideas up, I would have made you the father of my child

You know you have that sexual vibration that makes me go wild

How could I carry on?

Shaking and tremoring day and night

Worried I might say the wrong thing out of low-esteem chipped at fright

If only we could have spinned tight

Into a ball of existential love

My heart lives on bruised

A mind-fuck of confused.

~DiosRaw 22/02/21 22:30PM

Soul Journal 20/02/21 #4: ●When I Am Melancholic & Feel Rather Lonely●

●《Soul》 When I’m melanchoic or feel rather lonely, sometimes I make my way down the street, put headphones on my eyes, put a beautiful tune on that takes me to another place through the vibrations and frequencies, smile and take myself to another place in my mind..

Today I listened to this; a blissful tune – especially the endingish: https://youtu.be/R7qhVQK9_-Q 《Soul》●

Poetry #108: A Venom Of Many Names

Darkness through darkness

Claustrophobic thoughts concealed me

And every day I dived deeper

Into these illusionary thoughts

Many times I tried to end my life

Sometimes I held a knife

Taking pills to send me into a wakeless sleep

Jumping off dams into deep bottomless lakes

Suicidal ideations and thoughts fixated my view

Pain was in every corner, every ounce of my body

There was no cure for my pain

Sending me into a realm of insane

Venom had spread across my body

Searching endlessly for the antidote

Feeling closer to death than being alive

I wonder how you stand so tall

You never give in

You bend, you do not fall

Near death experiences time after time

Death stared me dead cold in the face

You have the power to hurl out of darkness

Seek and it will come

And take you out of this black hole

But only when you decide to..

My name is mental illness

Many names have been given to me

I have existed since man was created

Trauma and mental issues are related

In past times I was named a loony and a nutter

In modern times, I take on a more sophisticated tone, labelling had begun, depression, manic, hyperactive, borderline, bipolar

Do not judge the lives I have claimed

Until you have walked in their shoes.

~DiosRaw 19/02/21 08:14AM

Poetry #105: Wilting & Shrivelled Into The World

That glow, smiling frontal to the sun

A pure free soul, creating wonder

Then she heard the crashing of thunder

Unknown to her she’d be initiated into a blunder

Stepping out into the world

Wilting at every criticsm

Flower head turned upside down

Twisting the beaming smile, denigrates into a frown

Life smacks her left and right, turning her into a stuttering fright

Turning for comfort here and there

Ending with a harsh sharp glare

Creeping around

Trying not to make a sound

Burying under old archetypes she found

She’s shrivelled up, broken and bitter

Her love for the earth, she still picks up litter

There’s good inside

She doesn’t let the light hide

Fuck the rest

This life is a test

Let her be with open arms

Smoking her coping mechanism of a cigarette..

~DiosRaw 16/02/21 09:40AM

Poetry By Woodsy & Amber #5: Heartbeaten Wings

this heart was beating wildly, as if it would hatch a butterfly and pounce rhythmically out of my chest
they say the souls of the dead live on in these magical flying creatures
hatching from all those things that died in me, melted under tears
and then redrew their flight paths in quiet cocoons
into the dark place where light grows, fluttering wings in tremor-like dream states
feeling safer in the dark than the light
safer unspoken
in a world heaving with missiles and microphones
and fake laughs, psychological governmental brainwashing, numb rhetoric and failing empathy
all the things that make us human seem to be slipping away out of my grasp
desperate for a place I have never been
even though it lives inside me,
looking for the combination to all those locks and shudders and cold places pencilled in my diary
desperate to transform through metamorphosis and break the lock
to fly to unknown realms and bring back the treasure to decode my exsistence
and spread the wildest of these wings,
nailed to something better than pain
to feel supported by the intelligent consciousness unseen but known

By Woodsy (https://woodsydotblog.wordpress.com) & Amber (diosraw.com)

Poetry By Woodsy & Amber #2: Clambering At Sanity

I’m drifting ragged, buzzed by the phantom flight of not-quite migraines

Holding myself in at the seams, clambering at my sanity in a sea full of strong salinity

Looking for my flavour, overwhelmed by the tyranny of salt

Swamping my consciousness, tastes of fragments of my self falling as confetti

No wonder I’m so nauseous, so weepy in their wake

Pieces of the scratched at soul scattered in places forgotten and remembered

If tears will heal, why do they always land so broken on my soul?

They say time heals wounds, the wounds remain, the mind protects our sanity, scar tissue covers, the pain lessens and it is never gone

So hold me – dig at my wounds, raw as they are, squeeze your heart and fingers over mine, and warm yourself on the flicker of a camp we never made

Take me to places beyond the bounds of imagination

-By Woodsy (https://woodsydotblog.wordpress.com) & Amber (diosraw.com)

Art By Woodsy (https://woodsydotblog.wordpress.com)

Poetry #94: WordPress Censorship

Does anyone question the fact that

Any big company can pull the rug from beneath their feet?

Because of anything that doesn’t agree with their fleet?

All the work we pour into our blogs

Only to have the possibility of it all falling apart and entering fog

One day upon reading an email from WordPress

As to why they had blocked my liking fucntion on the reader for all the blogs I follow

They said I was a spam bot, not a real person

I asked how long the block on liking anything would be

They said indefinitely

My gut wrenched

To many it may seem silly

Maybe frilly

But to work for hours and nights

Creating a block on the lights

Building up a community of friends

And making your posts stick together at ends

Countless mornings writing posts

To find that you can’t appreciate by liking your friends notes

You can’t grow your blog as much as you’d like

As you know liking spreads a rippling effect out

So people can see who is about

They censored thee

Tried to shut me down

I felt suicidal

For all the work I have put into this

I continue on

But for “happiness engineers” here at WordPress

I messaged you how I felt, suicidal

To a reply that you will never answer my emails again

And to this day they haven’t

I’m left with making comments

So that people know i appreciate their work

But to big companies

Who can destory lives

But deleting and silencing what they don’t like

You are doing a dangerous act

That will come back to you one day

In the form of a teaching

Maybe you will be blocked with tape over your mouth from speaking

And you’ll realise at what a big mistake you made

To try and cancel speech you don’t like and put it in the shade.

~DiosRaw 06/02/21 10:03AM

Soul Journal 03/02/21 #3: A Letter To A Shaman

《Soul》 Things are the same, if not getting worse. I am loosing my ability to walk due to the fibromyalgia and pharmaceuticals which are destroying my gut-lining and seemingly my body. Everyday is severe torture to move and my body is screaming at me with acid burning pain. I can’t sleep properly, I can’t talk properly (slurring words and not remembering words), I can’t move some days, I can’t walk very well and I might loose that, high anxiety, depression, trauma still lingers through the numbness of the pills, I can’t breathe properly, I have allergic reactions to more foods (I eat potato and a few other things) which is severely depressing, feel nothing, some other painful personal things.. I wish I wasn’t here but I know why, my mission to inspire people through my words is inspiring others, allowing them to be themselves. I don’t feel like I have long left here but I keep laughing and smiling.. that’s all I have left now to keep going. 《Soul》

Poetry #86: Broken Souls You’ve Never Met

The numbness in the brain

Caused by these pills trying to keep me sane

All my life has fallen down the drain

All I smell is sewage rain

They say it’s all for our souls gain

The constant blurry pain

The weight of these pills

The ingredients and side effects give me chills

I miss life’s thrills

Death by an overdose

Laying there many times comatose

All by free will

Soul killed

The misery and sickness

The tedium and shaking

The mess in the making

We’re all broken misfits

Some of us were given pill kits

Don’t swallow just yet

There will be broken souls

You’ve never met

That will join together

And dry the eyes that are wet.

~DiosRaw 28/01/21 10:26AM

The Human Family Open Threads #48: What’s Your Country Like During These Times?

I decided to start a new project called “The Human Family Community Open Thread.” These open threads will be for anyone to comment on and express how they feel, if you need a friend, any ideas, make new friends, thoughts, topics, quotes or simply if you feel alone or lonely or suicidal or want to speak to others; feel free to comment below and start a conversation. You are not alone.

The Human Family Open Thread #48

~DiosRaw 26/01/21