Tag Archives: insane

Poetry #108: A Venom Of Many Names

Darkness through darkness

Claustrophobic thoughts concealed me

And every day I dived deeper

Into these illusionary thoughts

Many times I tried to end my life

Sometimes I held a knife

Taking pills to send me into a wakeless sleep

Jumping off dams into deep bottomless lakes

Suicidal ideations and thoughts fixated my view

Pain was in every corner, every ounce of my body

There was no cure for my pain

Sending me into a realm of insane

Venom had spread across my body

Searching endlessly for the antidote

Feeling closer to death than being alive

I wonder how you stand so tall

You never give in

You bend, you do not fall

Near death experiences time after time

Death stared me dead cold in the face

You have the power to hurl out of darkness

Seek and it will come

And take you out of this black hole

But only when you decide to..

My name is mental illness

Many names have been given to me

I have existed since man was created

Trauma and mental issues are related

In past times I was named a loony and a nutter

In modern times, I take on a more sophisticated tone, labelling had begun, depression, manic, hyperactive, borderline, bipolar

Do not judge the lives I have claimed

Until you have walked in their shoes.

~DiosRaw 19/02/21 08:14AM

Poetry #92: Writing Stifle

Squirming and wailing

Frial and defaming

Blaming and gaming

Drama is containing

All I want to do is write

Stifled by that fear and fright

Unknown things that make me fight

Who truly knows what goes on in your life?

Demons at the right

All I want to do is write

Drained

Each toke of this cigarette

Is making me sick

But what can I do when I got no help and I used this as a coping mechanism to stick

Me to this earth

When pain is all I felt

These tokes light up the dopamine

That was ripped from my brain

It seems no neurotransmitters emit in my brain

Turning me insane

The ego berating I am lame

I just want to leave this game

Behind four walls

Claustrophobic and numb

Every inch aches up until the edge of the thumb

All I want to do is write

Those shadowy figures in the night

All I want to do is write.

~DiosRaw 03/02/21 13:04PM

Poetry #33: A Break From This Reality

Laying in this bed

A lot has been said

I am in complete dread

Of the night ahead

I’ve been awake for two days now

I need to sleep

To take a break from this reality

And refresh my mind

I toss and turn

My stomach churns

Too hot

Too cold

Too many pillows

Too little pillows

Too little clothes

Too many clothes

This position

That position

Alright I have had enough

Out comes the sleeping pills

I haven’t taken for months

I take one

Lay awake in bed

I feel sick and dizzy

I am calling out

But no one can hear

Not even the damn sleeping pills will make me sleep

What the fuck now?

I can’t carry on like this

It is making me sick

My head is fuzzy

My heart hurts

I have pains when I breathe

And my body aches

So sore

Pain galore

Sleep deprivation is torture

I used to smoke the herb

To sleep

Now I don’t smoke it

My brain is hyper alert

I got to wake up early

For this hospital appointment

To take this embedded piercing

A foreign body

Out of the top of my cupids bow

Sitting on my lip

What the hell do I do?

Another night awake

This is making me ill

Racing thoughts

My body feels dirty

Everything is screaming at me

That it hurts

What can I do?

Except write more poems

To grind the night away

I pray for sleep

This is painful beyond belief

Please God give me some relief.

-Amber @diosraw 24/12/20 00:03AM

Insane Maniacal

“I think all our society is run by insane people for insane objectives… I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal means. If anybody can put on paper what our government and the American government and the Russian… Chinese… what they are actually trying to do, and what they think they’re doing, I’d be very pleased to know what they think they’re doing. I think they’re all insane. But I’m liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That’s what’s insane about it.” – John Lennon