Tag Archives: hope

Guest Post: How Betrayal Trauma Reveals Itself

This is a guest post by: Don’t Lose Hope, https://sexaddictionpartners.wordpress.com. Check this website if you would like to read more of their posts.

If you’d like to guest post feel free to connect by going to the blog’s connect page.

The term betrayal trauma describes the damage caused when you experience a profound, and often unexpected, betrayal in a close or intimate relationship. This deeply undermines your ability to trust, and your sense of safety and security.

“You cannot experience betrayal where there is not a deep sense of safety and trust. But when there is a deep sense of safety and trust and you uncover an unknown addiction or infidelity, it can be the most debilitating moment in your life.”

How does betrayal trauma manifest itself?

  • 1. In the aftermath of the discovery, the person experiences a sense of crisis, one they feel ill-prepared to navigate. They are in a state of shock. They’re unable to think, and to cope with and manage the basics of life. It also greatly undermines their sense of confidence.
  • 2. Learning that you have been deliberately betrayed by someone you trusted, and was vulnerable to, causes you to feel extremely unsafe and insecure in all your relationships. Instinctively, you feel there is no-one you can trust.
  • 3. Also, the person doubts themselves and their ability to judge, and to accurately assess, anyone or anything, at all. In their mind, they have made such a huge mistake that they fear they can’t tell who, and what, is bad for them.
  • 4. They may struggle with excruciating feelings of shame related to their partner’s infidelity. Thus, they might attack and start to blame, and look for causes, in themselves. For example, a betrayed partner might start thinking things like: “Maybe if I had been thinner or had had a better figure then they wouldn’t have strayed.” Or, “It’s all my fault … because I wasn’t funny, or interesting, intelligent, or supportive enough.” Of course, they’re not to blame. This was not their fault at all. Cheating and deceiving are a choice their partner made.
  • 5. Society’s judgment of sexual betrayal and sexual addiction is often negative … and the partner usually feels that they’ve been tarred with the same brush. This can greatly exacerbate their feelings of shame, and can result in them withdrawing, and isolating themselves (which deprives them of the love and support they need).
  • 6. They are likely to experience a drop in self-esteem, and to feel they have lost their identity. Gaslighting (a form of manipulation and deceit) contributes to this loss of identity, too.
  • 7. Sex is now a painful source of anxiety and dread. Partly, because it’s now associated with being discarded, rejected, unwanted and replaced; but also because there is a very real fear of contracting some kind of STD (which could lead to having cancer, or even HIV).

Note: If you have been betrayed then it’s important that you know you’re not alone. There are those who understand. There are others who have gone through this – and they’ll be there for you. And although you are in crisis, you are going to make it through.

Check out this blogger here: https://sexaddictionpartners.wordpress.com

Guest Post: I’ll Be The Drummer

This is a guest post by: https://woodsydotblog.wordpress.com

If you’d like to guest post feel free to connect by going to the blog’s connect page.

They make you all about the money –
but you’re not.
They make you all about enough –
the one thing you’re not…
the one thing you’ve not got.They make you all about the tiny things,
and then they call you
into tiny little rooms,
where even the walls whisper…reminding you where you belong.But you still feel the stuff
that believes in you,like a soul and a smileand a helix of stardustand everything real that swims inbetween.You still feel it,
like a fairytale –
part of the necklace they hang you with.Daisy-chain bullies,
same as always –but I see you,I know your jokes
when you’re all out of laughs,I know the beat
that you dance to,when your head’s all throbbing
and your heart’s all torn…and I’ll be the drummer that keeps you afloat.I’ll be the drummer, this time round.They make it all about the money,the lack of it –
keeping the walls up,nice and high-rise.
Keeping us down.
Keeping them safe –
or so they hope.
‘Cuz that’s really their word,hope –not yours.They can wash yours off with a smile –
keeping us like us…
keeping them like them…
keeping those who can no longer tell the differenceshouting at traffic,groping in shadows,rifling the binsfor the echo of something that’s now stored on computer.Digital bullies,
same as always –but I see you,I know your smileswhen there’s nothing to smile at,I know the beat
that you dance to,when your head’s all throbbing
and your heart’s all torn…and I’ll be the drummer that keeps you afloat.I’ll be the drummer, this time round.They make you all about the diagrams,
the charts –flipcharts in your case,
condescending
through an awareness session.It all comes down to finance, see:father of all conspiracies,
mother of all cynicism…
prioritisedwhere the sky used to be,and the water,
running through your fingers…the hug you’d trek miles for.It all comes down to money, see:king of all missiles
and queen of all bombs…
weaponisedto bully the hope out of
people
with nothing else left to aspire to.A way of seeing with the humanity filtered out.Land of the bullies,
same as always –but I see you,I know your smiles
and your jokeswhen your real little heart comes beating on out.Yes, I know the beat
that you dance to,when your head’s all throbbing
and your heart’s all torn…and I’ll be the drummer that keeps you afloat.I’ll be the drummer, this time round.Stick at it.Play the game.There’s nothing else left.
They’ve killed something else.They caught it on the street,knifed it
with a smileand a leafletand a nice hot tea in a paper cup…and bullied everything else out of you.Fear’s all you have left now –fear
and rage
and not enough,waiting to be sanctioned.Land of the bullies,
same as always –but I know the beat
that you dance to,when your head’s all throbbing
and your heart’s all torn…and I’ll be the drummer that keeps you afloat.I’ll be the drummer, this time round.Beaten or not,broken or not,bleeding or not…I’ll still be human when they run me aground.

Check out the poet here: https://woodsydotblog.wordpress.com

Poetry #24: Don’t Be Fooled

Don’t be fooled

All governments are fucked up

Don’t believe me?

Just look around you

Would a compassionate and kind “leadership” do that?

It’s all a hoax

It’s all a joke

It’s all fake

They lie to you

They cheat you

Many are psychopaths

High on power

That’s their drug

They look so fucking smug

We are all one indeed

But these beings have fallen and are weeds

Turning our environment into fear

When there is nothing my dear

Orwell is rattling in his coffin

He predicted something

Yet it is bigger than he knew

Full lockdown again for the UK

So we become like a communist state

I don’t hate

But is it too late?

-Amber @diosraw 23/12/12 00:51AM

Silver Birch: Knowledge & Faith

“IT says in the Bible “add to your faith knowledge.” I say when you have knowledge, add faith to it. You cannot have all knowledge. You are human, restricted in your capacity, for your reception is of necessity limited.

The foundation of knowledge should be your base to enable you to withstand all the storms and tempests of earthly life, to be unshaken no matter what happens. Let your faith help you where your knowledge cannot take you.” – The Silver Birch Book Of Questions & Answers

Infinite Expansion

“The reason you’re trying to get more money, more sex, more knowledge, more love, more power, more fame, more pleasure, etc, and you can’t seem to get enough, no matter how much you get, is because deep down what you really want is to be infinite. You want an infinite expansion. It’s as though deep down your consciousness realizes that infinity is the goal. But you’re trying to accomplish the infinite through the finite, which will never work. You are like a fly trapped in a windowpane.

Your entire life has been one stifled infinite expansion.”

Source: https://www.actualized.org/insights?p=43