Vacant when I needed you

My health is weak, you knew that too

The shell of a ghost we both become

Memories linger on my breath of our early days in mystery and depth

Dancing between those neon lazers

Cherry beer concealing our pain, an enticing poison dreaming away my traumatic memories

I know I played my role, I am no victim

Hurting so bad my heart seemed to crack

Numbed and self preservation

This night I smoked my last cigarette

Sitting on my parent’s doorstep

Observing the warm orange glow of the beams between the curtains of a house in my field of the countryside neighbour-hood view

I thought of you

When you have withdrawn yourself and your magic

When only the smell of your love lingers between my breasts

Imagination ran amok

Lost hopes and dreams

Of us cuddling our baby behind those curtain streams

Holding our baby in your defined muscle arms

Snap back from the third-eye charms

If you bucked your ideas up, I would have made you the father of my child

You know you have that sexual vibration that makes me go wild

How could I carry on?

Shaking and tremoring day and night

Worried I might say the wrong thing out of low-esteem chipped at fright

If only we could have spinned tight

Into a ball of existential love

My heart lives on bruised

A mind-fuck of confused.

~DiosRaw 22/02/21 22:30PM