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We can define Tantric Love for what it is, at its most intimate core: awareness, unity, and holistic love. So, to be even more clear about it, Tantra requires you to limit the basic, immediate gratification of the self to create a deeper, stronger, and mutually enriching bond with another (and yes this means ONE other) person.
Being a Tantra Master, I am often asked about Tantra and how we can easily and pleasantly incorporate it into our daily life.
Many think that Tantra advocates easy sex and multiple partners. That is not what I have been taught and what I teach. I am convinced that to reach Tantra’s ultimate goal, the transcendence of the basic needs of body, mind, and soul, you should avoid occasional partners.
The Origins Of Tantra
Tantra is a millenary holistic practice that combines meditation, spirituality, sexuality, sensual massages, personal growth, awareness, and awakening.
It is diffused in different cultures and traditions like the Hindu, Buddhist, and Jain ones in India and it’s known to be referred to in Yoga, Meditative, and religious practice across the Indian subcontinent and today, the world.
It dates back to the 6th century as a standardized set of practices, but its first references come from the Rigveda, a collection of Vedic Sacred Hymns in Sanskrit, back to a period ranging from 1700 and 1100 BC.
The concept of Tantric Love in its more ancient and traditional understanding represents the path toward awakening using the same path of god Shiva and the goddess Shakti, who represented male consciousness and female power respectively. From their union, mental, physical, and spiritual, a new awareness and awakening have born, available for everyone to reach.
Tantra is a millenary set of practices, deeply rooted in the Indian and Tibetan culture, which aim at letting the practitioners reaching a higher awareness by getting free of the basic understanding of body and mind. In the last decades,
Tantra has experienced a resurgence in Western cultures when it has been incorporated into some New Age spiritual practices which had the advantage of spreading the knowledge of the practice but also gave it a general twist toward sexual activities that were not present in any of the original texts.
That said, I want to show you some key points about Tantric Love, hoping that you may find it worth a try. I am sure that once you start to incorporate it into your life, you will never leave it.
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Tantric Love is not the same thing as Sex
Following the most traditional and ancient tradition of Tantra, you will discover that sex is just one of the parts of the life-enriching experience of Tantric Love. So, if you are thinking that Tantra is all about sex … you are wrong.
There are schools and traditions that favor sex in a specific way as a tool to transcend the body and the mind, and they are usually said to be following what is known as Red Tantra or left-hand (“impure”) path, or also Vama Marga in Sanskrit. These schools are historically considered focused on sensuality and sexuality, so focused on developing the use of the energy coming from and into the lower chakras. Of course, all of the chakras are involved in the sex act, thus creating a connection between the partners. Red tantra also includes lovemaking not only with one single partner but also with other partners.
The path that I follow is more into what is called White Tantra: a tradition that is mainly focused on holistic, complete growth. It is basically an individual or a couple path: the path of the right hand or Dakshini Marga in Sanskrit. White Tantra has as its goal to transcend the limits of your current situation and understanding of life. It’s about transcending the limited ego through disciplined mental, physical, and spiritual practices that have to be learned through the expert, loving guidance of a master or teacher. White Tantra works with practices that include meditation, mindfulness, yoga, Kundalini, and Pranayama.
During this practice, your body, mind, and soul get rid of all limiting thoughts, behaviors, and mindsets by setting you free.
You will learn and use mantras, mudras, yantras, and visualizations. You will also learn meditation, breathwork, physical, mental and spiritual practices. All of the major chakras are involved in this practice, and the goal is to open the upper two.
So, White Tantra and Tantric Love have nothing to do with just basic sexual expressions. This path recognizes the importance of the body and its intimate energy and uses physical touch and sexual practices as useful and powerful practices, even if not absolutely necessary, in order to advance to higher levels.
In White Tantra and Tantric Love, your sexual energy is added with the energy of your soul partner and joined to Universal Energy. In this way, you can add this transformed, augmented energy to your love and life. It means merging two embodied souls, into a greater awakening that surpasses pleasure and. The connection between the two soul partners is a connection with a higher form of existence.
To complete the description of the traditions of Tantra, there are also what are called Black, Grey, and sometimes Pink Tantra.
Black Tantra is oriented towards discovering, developing, and using some specific practices, called siddhis in order to reach specific goals. It represents the most esoteric path of Tantra and usually involves practices that are not used in the other paths. Its study is usually left to adepts and it’s often kept secret to those who are not part of a specific school.
Grey Tantra implies the use of siddhis to reach spiritual development. Usually, those who practice Gray Tantra want to cultivate their sexual energy to reach a spiritual development, using all the chakras with a partner, without giving up to the lower, most instinctual practices and needs.
Pink Tantra as it’s easy to be guessed, it’s a middle way between White and Red Tantra, and can be seen as both an individual and a duo practice. It’s individual as it involves meditation and solo exercises. It’s also a duo practice as many of the practices are specifically designed to be performed with a partner. Sex is part of this practice, but it’s possible not to have sex acts. The practices focus on integrating both the lower and the higher chakras. Pink Tantra works on body awareness and transforming sex into lovemaking.
Tantric Love is Not (Just) About Desire or Lust
By nature, in its most basic form, sexual intercourse can be seen as a quite selfish act, as the main goal for each of the partners could be getting pleasure and satisfying sexual desire for themselves only. Once they have achieved this goal, so once one of both have reached the orgasm, the intercourse is over.
Tantric Love, on the contrary, focuses on creating, keeping, and growing a strong, authentic, and mutual bond with the partner.
While making love, the two partners are involved in a dialogue that allows their individual energies to merge, balance, and grow in resonance, so as to join their energies to the universal energy, creating a whole bigger than the sum of the two singularities.
Each partner takes care of the other, making love so to amplify the partner’s pleasure and intimacy. There is no place, in this love, for an egoistic search of pleasure or satisfaction, as the ultimate goal is mutual growth and awakening, achieved by transcending the limits of the lower existence using the energy of the Kundalini involved in lovemaking.
Tantric Love is a sacred and a selfless act.
Tantric Love Requires Time, Awareness, and Commitment
Research shows, since a 2005 study, that sexual intercourse lasts 5.4 minutes on average. This means that when one is driven only by the desire to feel pleasure, the result is usually achieved in quite a short time. This can be seen as a sort of quick satisfaction, that is aligned with today’s requirement of this consumeristic society where everything must be done quickly, from food to lovemaking.
While experiencing Tantric Love, on the contrary, you must take all the time both the partners need to establish a deep connection, to exchange feelings, emotions, energy, to make love, and to spend quite a good amount of time after all of this to express gratitude to and reinforce the connection with the partner.
During Tantric lovemaking you consciously and attentively move slowly, taking your time to feel the slightest variations of pleasure with the other person. You will be practicing meditation, breathing exercises, body and intimate massage to establish, set, and grow a deeper, intimate, and pleasant connection.
The emphasis in Tantric Love is in taking the time to experience the deepest possible union with your partner, through time, love, awareness, commitment.
Tantric Love Is Holistic
Tantric Love is not limited to what you experience with your genitalia.
It’s about learning to experience, develop, and grow your sexual energy to create a deeper connection with your partner so as to be able to progress to a higher level of awakening.
Tantra let your Kundalini, your vital energy, freely and powerfully move from your genitals to the rest of your body every time you want, not only during lovemaking.
So, after some practice, you will discover that you are making love with every part of your body. But that’s not all! Tantric Love involves lovemaking using your mind and your spirit, too.
That’s why Tantra is a holistic set of practices: you will learn, under the skilled guidance of your Master, how to use all of your body, mind, and soul to get rid of the limits of your mindset, behavior, and attitudes so to set you and your partner free to achieve a better personal, professional, holistic life.
Tantric Love is Sacred and requires some (pleasant) Ritual
Western society, especially for religious cultural tradition, has created a stigma against sex, sexuality, and pleasure. In those environments, sex is still taboo and people who openly talk about it are usually considered reprehensible.
Tantric Love obviously has a completely different approach in that it considers sex as a source of positive connection, as a way to transcend the limits imposed by culture and religion.
Lovemaking, sexual activity in Tantra, is considered to be generated from and maintained by an extremely powerful creative force within us, called Kundalini.
Even more, sex is a form of language. It’s a source of Sacred Love, and the human body, as well as the genitalia, are seen as a tool to experience, cultivate, and share this sacred power, this universal energy that we have inside us. From this point of view, our bodies must be taken care of with full love, devotion, and reverence.
What you want to achieve, in your sacred love relationship with your partner, is that you take all the time you both need to take care of, worship, and respect the gift you both offer one to each other of the sacredness of your bodies and their sexual energies. This will bring you to a higher level of intimacy, connectedness, and awareness.
When we speak about Sacred Love, we also imply that every time that we approach making love, and touch our and our partner’s body, we should follow a ritual of love. We, as practitioners of Tantra, use specifically designed rituals and practices like meditation, breath control, full body massage, intimate massage and touch, prolonged eye and body contact.
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Benefits of Tantric Love
Tantric Love practices can bring you and your relationship some very desirable benefits:
-A more intimate Connection with your Partner
-At the core of Tantric Love, there is its most desirable outcome: the creation of a more intimate connection between the partners on a physical, mental, and spiritual level.
-Practicing Tantra will give you the chance to create, establish, and grow one of the better experiences you can have as a couple: one common path of awareness, compassion, commitment toward mutual enrichment and awakening into a higher level of your relationship.
-Developing more Trust, better Dialogue, and higher Awareness
The obvious, positive consequence of a better connection between the partners is, of course, developing more reciprocal trust. Both the partners can rely on each other, as the path they are following is the same, and the steps are done coherently and lovingly, without pressure, stress, tension.
-Both the partners can share their vulnerabilities, their fears, and work to control them or even getting rid of them, in a supportive relationship.
Trust is built on and builds better dialogue. Dialogue is what allows everyone to exchange sensations, feelings, ideas, knowledge without prejudice, in a non-judgmental relationship of mutual interaction.
-Dialogue is what allows you to tell and listen, to share and learn.
This trust, associated with dialogue, will build up awareness. A deeper, more involving awareness that will set you free to achieve the next steps in your journey toward a better you and a better relationship.
-An inclusive, accepting, loving relationship with yourself and your loved one.
More Variety in your Lovemaxing Experience
Tantric Love brings a lot of variety, practices, and new experiences to your Lovemaking.
You will learn how to listen to your body, to better know it. Also, equally important, you will learn what your partners’ body and mind are asking. You will learn what makes your lovemaking more intense, more involving, more connecting.
Tantra has a millenary tradition of practices that range from massage to lovemaking, from relaxing to intense, from totally physical to totally mental. And all of this is done with and for your partner. Both of you will learn mutual practices to enhance your loving experience.
Increased Pleasure and more Orgasms
One of the most surprising things that Tantra novices discover is that when you do not put your focus on desire, you actually end up feeling more pleasure.
This is possible because of the improved connection between the partners, that now dialogue using not just their genitalia, but their whole being, body, mind, and soul.
In this way, learning how to delay the climax, both men and women also learn how to experience more intense, more involving, and longer-lasting orgasms.
For men and women, Tantra Love means experiencing multiple orgasms. That’s why it’s not uncommon for Tantra practitioners to make love literally for hours.
Holistically Improved Health
Better, more intense, and more frequent orgasms have a deeply positive effect on our body and mind, thus improving our mental and physical health.
Some of the benefits your health will get from practicing Tantra include:
-Improving your fitness level, reducing high blood pressure, giving you more stamina, and strengthening your cardiovascular system
-Reducing stress, anxiety, and even depression, as orgasms cause a strong release of endorphins and dopamine in the brain
-Reduction of pain perception, thanks to the same mechanism as above
Strengthening of the immune system
Production and increased release of -HGH – Human Growth Hormone that helps to maintain, build, and repair tissue in the brain and other organs
improve creativity, intuition, problem-solving thanks to the positive effects of dopamine
-Helping you relaxing and then sleep better
How to Start Practicing Tantric Love
Now you have a general idea of what Tantra Love is about.
Of course, it’s possible that you still may be thinking about how to incorporate it into your actual life and relationship. Some people, at the very beginning, ask me if all these attentions, rituals, and added time are easy to experience, especially if they are not familiar with practices as meditation, body and intimate massage, or yoga.
The good news is that you don’t need any previous knowledge or any special skill to start practicing Tantra today.
Introducing Tantra Love in your routine is really straightforward, especially if you do it under the expert guidance of a master.
I usually see that my students are able to immediately practice Tantra by following just a few easy and effective suggestions.
Commit to this journey
As Tantra is a tool, a journey into a deeper awareness that will ultimately bring you toward a new awakening, you should be clear with your intentions.
Why do you want to follow Tantra?
What are you bringing into the journey, as a solo traveler and as a partner of a couple? Which goals would you like to pursue individually and as a couple?
Take your time to ask yourself these questions and once you have the answers, talk about them with your partner. Remember that this is a journey that you will do individually with regards to the process of understanding yourself, who you really are, what you really want, why you do things the way you do. Personal growth, finding your most intimate purpose, are individual journeys into yourself.
Yet, this is also a couple’s journey into creating a lifelong connection that will become better day by day. You will decide the common steps, the milestones, the purpose of this experience with your partner.
It may seem complicated, but trust me when I tell you that this journey will give you more than you expect. And the more you invest in it, the bigger the reward in terms of awareness, communication, commitment, and awakening.
Dedicate time and attention to your lovemaking experience
The first thing you can do to start practicing Tantra Love is to show full commitment, awareness, and devotion to your partner.
This means that you can start a brand new approach to lovemaking by dedicating specific time to it and by starting with communication, meditation, a full body massage that will bring you to an intimate massage.
All of this is Tantra.
So, to share with you a practical example of what a Tantra Love session can be, here it is: meet and spend time together, turning off all phones and notifications, this time is just for the both of you.
Take time to talk, while looking one each other in the eyes, holding hands, flirting. Dedicate some time to prepare a light meal that you will eat together.
Then you can meditate, while sitting face to face, in the dedicated place of your home. While meditating you can also sit keeping your legs wrapped around each other and keeping eye contact.
Honor this time and start to feel the energy between you raising and aligning.
Start coordinating your breath, keeping one hand on your partner’s heart. Deeply inhale and exhale to feel, manage, and grow your Prana (vital breath).
Do all of this starting with loose, comfortable dresses, then take your clothes off and continue breathing and touching your bodies while naked, to share your openness, mutual vulnerability, and full respect one each other.
Then, you can have a shower or a bath together before massaging all of your body with all your body. This will share energy and create intimacy.
Then start with an intimate massage, that will bring you to your lovemaking experience, that will be calm, relaxed, long.
It will not end with your orgasm, but it will continue for a long while after.
Remember that you need quality time before and after lovemaking. Show that you are present, show that you want to open yourself to this new experience, show reverence and respect for your partner’s needs, body, mind, and, of course, soul.
Love starts and continues all your life long, it’s not limited to the time you need to reach an orgasm.
Tantra Love will shift your perception about love and lovemaking from a simple act to an important moment of individual and reciprocal growth, understanding, communication.
At its heart, Tantric love is about mindfulness. Be aware of how you’re feeling at each stage of the experience and communicate your feelings to your partner. Tune in to how he or she is feeling, too.
Ask a Master / Teacher … like me!
So, are you interested in Tantric Love, now?
If you feel nervous or unsure about how introducing Tantra in your relationship, or if you would like to discover how to talk about it with your partner, you can ask for the expert, caring help of a Master or a Teacher.
And, of course, you can ask me to help you, and your partner, in learning more, in studying Tantra, in using it to explore new intimacy and connection with your partner to progress together toward a better relationship and a common awakening.